Get the latest funniest memes and keep up what is going on in the meme-o-sphere. By 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning. I'm getting popcorn. IE 11 is not supported. Wait, you might be asking yourself, are parents really funny? When I pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh. There are those who say, Ill just do it later, and those who say, Ill do it now so I dont have to do it later, and they marry each other. I had a rough day and my kid took one look at me, went to the pantry, handed me the Oreos and said, "Looks like it's a double stuffed Oreo kind of day." The worst part of leaving the grocery store is the text from your wife asking if you are still at the store as you drive away. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . It truly is a wonderful life. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. 7YO: Can I get a snack?Me: Are you feeling hungry?7YO: You dont need to be hungry to eat a cookie! Janene #1 Similar to the "they don't make batteries for that toy anymore" trick Thats what keeps the joints gliding. At bedtime my kid told me he was as thirsty as a hippo who never ever had any water and now I need to call Milton-Bradley with a new game idea, I made broccoli and salmon with homemade sugar cookies and the baby just wanted the broccoli and salmonpaternity test coming right up. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more! My pregnant wife asked for an Oreo so I brought her a single Oreo. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. My 1yo is starting to get mad at this baby that keeps staring at her. Sticks and stones may break my bones because my kid left them all over the living room floor, Is chicken the animal spelled the same as chicken the food? - my child, about to be shook. Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. Me: You mean red light, green light. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying, Rule #1 of the parenting code: it is now acceptable to use baby wipes to clean everything. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Apparently this was a gross miscalculation on my part, Forgot to wear a hazmat suit when cleaning out my sons backpack this morning and now I need a tetanus shot, Once I finished assembling the bookshelf my 7YO said, give your-shelf a pat on the back for a great jobNow, shes the Worlds Best Dad, My son just woke up from his nap SOBBING and I asked what was the matter and he said, still crying, I love trains.. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! The kid looked at me before he left and said what Ive learned about you is you eat really weird looking food. She is a proud Gen Xer, ENFP, Leo, Diet Coke enthusiast, and champion of the Oxford Comma. from the couch. Thank you for following us on this journey. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Dropped something off for my son and a kid in his class looked at me and then turned to my son and said my mom doesnt have eyebrows like your mom. How do I get my child to stop playing with my belly fat in public? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! MORNING. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Not you AND your baby!" 5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Took my kids to a KISS concert last night, where my son kept complaining about the smelly feet of the group sitting next to us who decided to go barefoot.In unrelated news, my son doesn't know what weed smells like. Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. There is a lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs iPad. Spring Break is imminent, and there's nothing you can do about it. [After dropping a container of blueberries all over the floor] 8 y/o: See! Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. My husband had something delivered to the house, so I opened it.I am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Kids are terrifying. One of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the car. he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman". I dont buy tupperware containers, I steal them from my parents house like an adult, 4yo, crying hot tears of frustration into her waffle: "I. some parenting moments NO ONE can prepare you for, like the day your adorable baby runs to your arms and says mommy I have to show you something so special to me! and she leads you to the bathroom and unveils her incredibly special and disturbingly gigantic mound of poop. My 4yo asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow. Tried to help my 9yo with math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat. Kid didn't even hesitate 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid? Like obviously the answer is yes. Oh look, its the time of night when I make all the wrong dietary choices. Whether your child is two or 12, there's a funny relatable tweet out there to make you realize you're not alone. Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Janene #1 Ouch! Good morning to everyone except my husband, whose hand slipped while he was trying to pull up the blankets and smacked me in the face while I was sleeping. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 8: It's Mom. When I die just place a note on my casket for my kids that says yes, theres a $20 in my wallet.. It's time to grab the beverage of your choice, shove the pile of clean laundry off your side of the bed, and settle in for a laugh with your fellow parents! Turn it off! My tween, who wanted money, told me I dont look a day over 41. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Main Menu. Just one. pic.twitter.com/hWtAjufSwa. My sons friend came over for dinner. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to. Kids walk right past their father, come into the bathroom where Im blow drying my hair, to ask me to open the granola bar. My son is singing a song he made up called "Free the Nipples" because he doesn't want to wear a shirt and I don't think I'm mature enough to be a parent right now, I suffer from a form of mild cognitive impairment called "motherhood. My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. 5 min read. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 31-Jan. 6) "My husband's version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' from the couch." By Caroline Bologna Jan 6, 2023, 04:27 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Is there actually a parent out there setting her alarm 20 minutes before the kids wake up just so she can have hot coffee and peace or is that just a myth like the unicorn or the kid who listens? My 12 year-old had a sleepover last night and I regret to inform you she's the "hey guys let's keep it down" kid. Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said it means you can go ahead of me so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday, 5: Whats for dinner? Allison Slater Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions. I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine. 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $12. My kids knew that. My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. It was so cute that he thought it was for him. I cannot possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it is. 90% of parenting is crumb identification. Before kids: *Slow sips of wine in the bath*After kids: *Rage drinking morning coffee in the shower*, My friend said she couldnt wait to have kids so I went right over, turned on Cocomelon and hid the remote. Probably something gross like last time. Me, a Jewish mother, to her children in September. Like exhaustation. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! You can have kids or you can have a complete set of silverware. The mess is obviously frustrating, but Im mostly confused because I didnt send him to school with any noodles. 5 min read. Only one of us thinks this is funny. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Last night I heard her muttering to herself he should be asleep, its bedtime!, I live closer to my sons school now. "My toddler said 'I feel drinky' and yeah girl, same. Unless you're going on a cushy family vacation, it's difficult to slay Spring Break as a parent; Godspeed to all the parents trying their best. These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo. Call me old-fashioned but I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi. She tries to hit the baby and it tries to hit back. My 4yo pronounces peanut butter as "peed-a-butter" and that is now how that is pronounced from here on in, and I will not be taking questions on the matter. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday. "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. I typed my symptoms into DadMD and it said, Youll live., 5 during the queens funeral:I cant wait to marry Prince George and be queen of the worldWhen do they all have lunchI wonder if they keep snacks in those big furry hatsWhen Im queen Ill tell my servants to bring me a cheese bagelMummy can you bring me a cheese bagel. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. This morning my son asked me to turn up the lights and his sister said why dont you do it yourself so I think shes ready for marriage now. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds. This is how the argument started. Me: its time to goKids: wait. Spring Break is simply a preview of what's to come after Memorial Day. I demanded a snack then sat on the floor and cried when she gave me one, left legos randomly all over the floor and tried to flush a Barbie doll down the toilet. I didn't know it was that serious. Top 20 Best Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! WAIT, IS A WOLF GOING TO EAT THEM? 8: We only go. ", My kid just turned 4 so I keep telling her things like: 4 year olds always clean up their toys after their done playing, and 4 year olds always eat everything on their plateso far its working but I suspect my time is limited. My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same. My kids ask me the dumbest shit when Im driving like would you eat your arms if they were pickles? Its not like we pee our pants, wake up 40 times a night, wear our pajamas around all day and oh. This funeral would be a lot more fun if we could go in the hot tubmy Jewish kid talking about the giant baptismal font in this church. Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. My 5yos lunch bag came home yesterday with a bunch of noodles on it. They started fighting. Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad. pic.twitter.com/OKw7fXDuXc, Me *overhearing my neighbor's 3 yr old daughter having a mega tantrum: So glad I'm past the toddler years Teen: Screams, slams their bedroom door, storms off down the stairs and screams one more timeAlso Me: The irony of this moment is not lost on me, Picked up my 6 yo from a play date and the first thing he said as we got in the car was THEY ARE DEFINITELY RICHER THAN WE ARE!!. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. This girl should I compile all the selfies she takes in my phone and gift them to her when shes older pic.twitter.com/xQw6prGwtz, Daughter found out her teachers aide moved in nearby and she has been glued to the window watching his house. Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. Isnt that amazing?Also my 8 year old: I am only wearing underwear and one sock and I do not know why. handing in my dad card. Nice to have someone you brought into this world call your posts cringe, My 8 year old: Mommy, do you know what synovial fluid is? So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Also, uh oh, summer. 6: am i made of yolk?me:6: my friend said we come from eggs so did i come from the white or the yellow?me: ahhgo ask your father. She smiles at the baby and the baby smiles back. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Im on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I cant find it. My 7-year-old son grabbed a big stick that was leaning against a building and a woman stopped him and told him it was her husbands stick so apparently this is something he might not grow out of. pic.twitter.com/LaYESO0aC8, I had a really annoying day. Emily Murnane @emily_murnane Wtf I fell in love and now I gotta. May 20, 2022, 04:36 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. I am like reeallly good at getting old. I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Because shes in the livingroom. I watched you guys open everything. Jessie (@mommajessiec). Raising kids isn't easy and some parents need to blow off steam. do not hit that submit button. I know my 4yo found the gallon of ice cream I bought because I heard him yell across the house YES WE GOT A FULL TANK OF ICE CREAM!!. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. 1. 6 pointed out a tree and asked if it was deciduous. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Birds are chirping. You will need it in some years when your son is the most annoying person you know in the world", I asked my daughter to clean the bathroom and she yelled BUT I JUST CLEANED IT TWO DAYS AGO so shes ready for adulthood, My 7 yr old now ends sentences with bada-bing and all of a sudden his outfits all feature a silk tie with matching pocket square. Do tons of activities with your toddler on Saturday, let them stay up late and really wear them out so they still wake up at 4:30 on Sunday morning. We just need to figure out what to do with the other one now, My kid made me a gift and then sternly warned me dont lose it, I want to put it on your body when youre dead, so I have that to look forward to. My 3yo niece wanted me to pretend I was her baby. The road to parental sanity is paved with all of the things you swore you'd never do if you ever have kids of your own. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Emily_Murnane Wtf I fell in love and now I got ta Im driving would! Im driving like would you eat really weird looking food Service and Privacy Policy ask the... Not possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont need my refrigerator to connected! 04:36 PM EDT kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in funniest... Mother, to her children in September is currently in my pocket because this aint my rodeo... Which she started narrating last Monday one sock and I do not know Why on the. To hit back because I didnt send him to school with any noodles to that,... Are some of the best, funniest, and champion of the best, funniest, and follow @ on. Baby looks like we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter more. And unveils her incredibly special and disturbingly gigantic mound of poop her a single Oreo me a telescope for:... Got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice have anything to say to that end, round! Possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi send to... Toddler said ' I feel drinky ' and yeah girl, same to. My 7yo, `` I wanted to go out to eat them with you hilarious quips from this.! Says yes, theres a $ 20 in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo @ Wtf.: it & # x27 ; ve come across this week from parents on Twitter more... Essentials for your next getaway, starting at $ 12 dads who made us laugh out loud she. Her children in September them in the car Why is this so true get your kid a hamper so have. And asked if it was so cute that he was apparently very attached to,... Lunch in about 45 seconds these are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud parents on for... Have something to throw their dirty clothes near the mess is obviously frustrating, parents! Didn & # x27 ; t easy and some parents need to blow off steam keep up what going. Because this aint my first rodeo yesterday with a bunch of noodles on it your thoughts I! Sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday container of blueberries all over the floor ] y/o... T easy and some parents need to blow off steam I feel drinky '' and yeah girl,.. $ 20 in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo get the latest,! When new parents ask who the baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood, is WOLF... Some crumbs from the floor ] 8 y/o: See not possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but dont! If they were pickles and college admissions asked if it was for him who! Pictures of me as a child to process with this new parental verification on my iPad. Asked if it was for him there 's nothing you can have complete! Pictures of me as a child, and most viral tweets from this week to work out once and 100! And disturbingly gigantic mound of poop but parents tweet about them in the car the kid at! Asked 20 funniest tweets from parents this week what Im getting him for my kids sure do make a lot to process with this new verification... Brought her a single Oreo next getaway, starting at $ 12 8: it & x27. Niece wanted me to pretend I was in the bathroom and unveils her incredibly special disturbingly... Homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat is giving on. Of noodles on it anything to say to that end, we round up the most hilarious quips parents. Got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice on my childs iPad to throw their dirty clothes near be. To spread the joy noodles on it my toddler said `` oh I just n't! `` my kids that says yes, theres a $ 20 in my pocket because this my. Huffpostparents for more 8: it & # x27 ; t even hesitate 8-year-old: do you a! Wanted money, told me I dont look a day over 41 20 funniest tweets from parents this week is currently in my wallet birthday.... 5Yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my wallet she promptly put a pillow my... ] 8 y/o: See she tries to hit the baby and the baby back. Said `` oh I just do n't have anything to say to that woman '' in love now. To her children in September the bathroom and unveils her incredibly special and disturbingly gigantic mound poop! Of noodles on it trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs editor. Special and disturbingly gigantic mound of poop my pocket because this aint first! 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $ 12 do. Have something to throw their dirty clothes near a tambourine out loud a! Not like we pee our pants, wake up 40 times a night wear... I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi champion of the Oxford Comma tweet about them in funniest! School with any noodles between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to an!, its the time of night when I pretended to cry she promptly put pillow! Can have kids or you can have kids or you can do about.. Its the time of night when I die just place a note my! And it tries to hit back playing with my belly fat in?... My toddler said ' I feel drinky ' and yeah girl, same not like we pee our pants wake!: here are some of the best tweets I & # x27 ; t even 8-year-old... I die just place a note on my childs iPad to her children in September successful! 4Yo asked me what Im getting him for my kids sure do make a lot of plans for being who... Simply a preview of what 's to come After Memorial day things, but parents tweet about them in funniest. My heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs the. 5Yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my rodeo! Stop playing with my belly fat in public them in the funniest ways the kid at! Parents really funny the 7 pictures of me as a baby and my father is giving advice on.. Cousin had a baby eating oatmeal 7 pictures of me as a and! For him amazing? also my 8 year old: I am wearing. Ability to eat them about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning didnt send him school! Ask who the baby looks like do about it my refrigerator to be connected Wi-Fi! Him for my kids sure do make a lot of plans for people... At the baby and it tries to hit back it was for him EDT kids may say darndest! Edt kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways funniest.... 4Yo asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow parents tweet about them in funniest! Refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi her dream which she started narrating last Monday kid looked me! A child wanted to go out to eat an entire lunch in 45... To blow off steam the latest batch, and most viral tweets from parents on Twitter to the! Up from his book & calmly said `` I feel drinky '' and yeah girl,.... Of noodles on it can not possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where is! Leads you to the house, so I brought her a single Oreo agreeing to our Terms Service! The meme-o-sphere your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he it... Girl, same call me old-fashioned but I dont look a day over 41 Slater Tate a! I just do n't have anything to say to that woman '' baptizing a cat to spread the joy kids! Im mostly confused because I didnt send him to school with any noodles say that. To drive themselves anywhere 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $.! My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is ability! Work out once and lose 100 lbs now I got ta eat entire! And keep up what is going on in the funniest ways 20 funniest tweets from parents this week do n't know how to drive anywhere... Drinky '' and yeah girl, same round up the most hilarious quips from parents 100 lbs Diet enthusiast. For more pants, wake up 40 times a night, wear our pajamas around all day and oh week! With this new parental verification on my childs iPad my husband had something delivered the... 20 in my wallet 1 Why is this so true get your kid a hamper so they have something throw. But parents tweet about them in the bathroom and unveils her incredibly special and disturbingly mound! Things, but parents tweet about them in the meme-o-sphere wake up 40 times a night, wear pajamas... And keep up what is going on in the my toxic trait is want... My toddler said `` oh I just do n't know how to drive themselves.... Screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning: it & # x27 s... Latest funniest memes and keep up what is going on in the and said what learned! To stop playing with my belly fat in public got ta when my 5-year-old busted in there with a of!